We are not the same

I used to lie to myself my upbringing didn’t bother me until I met this girl, let’s call her Lily. Lily is charismatic, bold and filthy rich. Of course I know what being worlds apart means but I was oblivious of how deep it could go here in our country.

I guess one of the few perks of being a journalist is you get to meet people from all walks of life and this is how I met Lily. It was one of those prestigious events in Westlands and who would pass up a chance to eat some free macaroons and wine?

As usual, my outfit would betray me as a common ice breaker. It’s always the same questions: Are you a designer? Are you a stylist? Did you make that? Which I always proudly reply – Yes!

We discussed plenty of stuff with Lily especially about this event and the biggest revelation was that we had no idea what we were doing there.

Perched on our seats for almost two hours at this rather boring event, we exchanged numbers and went our separate ways. She promised to get in touch later on but I had heard that line one too many times.

Well, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle! Lily actually called! And that simple gesture breathed life into our weird friendship.

Lily is friendly but naturally cautious and curious of the people she lets into her life, a trait her father calls a survival tactic. It took a couple of weeks for us to get comfortable and once we did, the words kept flowing like Niagara falls.

Lily grew up behind the great walls of Runda. Like you saw it coming, she went to one of the few international schools our dear country had in the 90s, no wonder her Swahili was so shitty.

And when she asked where I studied, I didn’t bother to mention my primary school but instead floated around my high school name, thinking it would make a difference being a national school. “What country is that school found?” flew out her response.

Country? Was she pulling my leg? I must admit even though I was a little hurt some part of me gloated to imagine Lily thought I had studied abroad.

Remember back in the 90s when our parents owned bicycles and probably broken down pickups? Lily’s dad had a Mercedes or as well call it, an Otieno. I am picturing a S-series, which I thought was pretty cool. He probably owns an helicopter now, who knows, I didn’t bother to ask.

My favourite part was when Lily admitted she had never taken a matatu. She was right, why would she need to take a matatu? She had a personal chauffeur driving her everywhere, which were very specific btw: School-Church-Tennis.

On the other hand, my whole existence has depended on public transport, literally. I hate it but what option do I have? I can neither afford a car nor take an Uber daily.

Lily says the only time she has ever been alone was when she was in the UK, furthering her studies. But even then, her dad ensured his friends popped in weekly to check on her.

While Lily had been chaperoned all her life and groomed from childhood to be the person she is now, I was traversing this world alone. As early as six, the only things that were watching over me were Jesus and Diana, our dog.

Diana was pretty popular amongst the neighbourhood dogs. I always had a pack of over five dogs escorting me to school, the shop and everywhere my tiny legs could take me. And not once did it ever cross my mind how dangerous that was.

Lily says she is grateful for the protection and her upbringing but she would have rather scavenged the world with dogs like I did. Well, it came at a price my bottom had to pay every evening but what does she know about corporal punishment?

While Lily was shipped away to the UK to further her studies, on this side, I was struggling with attachment so I could graduate. Did I mention Lily has never been an intern? You see daddy knows people, big people and they have been quite helpful.

Remember that time after campus? That time after graduation when quarter life crisis was kicking in and you were worried about being jobless forever? That time you probably developed ulcers from all the stress? Lily was on a break, fresh from the UK, waiting for daddy to wave his magic wand.

Here’s the thing, while you are binge watching in your bedsitter apartment feeling fulfilled after sending 50 job applications and crossing your fingers to get at least one response, Lily’s dad is having dinner at home with two or three CEOs. The CEOs you are hoping to tirelessly work for, or is that just a lie you plan to tell during the interview?

And as you wait all week for the weekend to drain your sorrows with some cheap liquor and set ‘standards’ on social media, Lily is training. She has a tennis or maybe golf tournament with the CEOs where they’ll talk about a job that is already hers.

“I have never written a CV before, do I need it?” She innocently chuckles. Ha! Of course not, what is a CV when your family friends own half of this city? Or maybe daddy has somebody doing it for you sweery.

Currently, Lily’s on her third job and she hates it. She is thinking of starting her own company. Let it be clear that I said company not business.

Daddy supports her and asked her to write a proposal, which she tells me she already has a professional working on.

So, food for thought, as you blither away with people you call friends, do tell me, how’s the future like for your kids?

Anyway, this outfit was inspired by Lily, after all it was the reason we became friends in the first place and I thought why not?

Outfit and styling: Rage Craze

Stalk me on: Rage Craze

Photography: Mikeart254

Choose You. Always…

I thought of writing today but as I stared at the blank screen, I realized I had nothing to say. They say every day is a chance to write your story but today I just couldn’t figure out what chapter I was on. I have literally been typing and retyping the same line like I am stuck in a loop.

For the first time in a long time I find myself in a place where I feel free. Is it because I have learnt to see things differently or is my quarter life crisis kicking in? At least one thing is for sure, nothing scares me anymore.

In the world we live in kindness is so rare, any good gesture raises an eyebrow. It is not easy to be your brother’s keeper in a game that is clearly rigged. The rules don’t apply anymore and it is almost as if our own existence like that of animals depends on the survival of the fittest, in our case the craftiest.

Recently a friend of mine asked me where I saw myself in the next five years, it was such a weird question I laughed. I mean who just drops a random question when right in the middle of a roasting contest, which I was winning. The last time I answered that question was probably during a job interview and of course the response was well thought and crafted. A lie.

It actually took me time to think about my life and understand the question. This wasn’t about having the best response and winning the game, it was about me. My life. My dreams. My goals. I couldn’t craft my way out of this, I felt trapped. Honestly, where was I really seeing myself in five years?

This useless question gnawed at me for days, I tried to block and ignore it but it always made its way back. The saddest bit was not that I didn’t know the answer, I did. My problem was that I wanted it to be perfect, a sure deal but I just couldn’t guarantee that. How can I plan where I want to be in the next five years when literally every single day is a gamble.

In my utopia, I am happy, fulfilled…Oh wait, of course rich. My only problem is how to get there. You see they teach you how to fish but nobody really tells you where to get the fish. Everyone is obsessed with the catch and filling their own nets. Which takes me back to the phrase, survival of the fittest.

I think after a month of avoiding my friend who was genuinely pissing me off the whole time, I finally had a response. I knew what I wanted and where I wanted to be.  I had decided that with every plan and every foundation I was laying there on, I was going to choose my happiness.

I once wrote an article on bullies and my takeaway was that we can’t control how people treat us but we can control and choose how we respond to them. I believe it applies when we are making our life choices, we can choose our happiness and control how we react to the issues around us.

That being said, are the people in our lives really mean or do we simply put a lot of expectations on them? Sometimes we set ourselves up for disappointment and failure without realizing it. Maybe if we lowered our expectations just a little bit, we might just realize how better life can be.

When you expect nothing from people, you lose nothing. An expectation is a like bet, only you are staking your heart, feelings, future, friends, life and many other important things. Like Dodinsky says: ‘The key to being happy is knowing you have the power to choose what to accept and what to let go.’ Choose you. Always.

And by the way have at least one friend who can keep you racking your brain and leave you feeling worthless once in a while. It pays off, eventually. Lol.

Back to basics, I decided to go with this beautiful outfit because I loved it. It totally has nothing to do with what I just talked about. Even the shoot wasn’t planned but I must say spontaneity goes a long way as you can see on the photos below. Let me know what you think.

Oblivion…

About a year before the film Fault in Our Stars was released, I read the same book by John Green. In one of the chapters the main character Hazel, who was battling thyroid cancer is forced by her parents to attend a weekly cancer support group to help her make friends. She hated it. Especially the fact that she had to listen to cancer survivors because they are on the same “journey”.

It was during one of these meetings that she met the love of her life Augustus whom she fondly referred to as Gus. Gus is a bone cancer survivor and has since been in remission. During the meeting, Augustus is asked his greatest fear and he says oblivion. He wants to be remembered for living an extraordinary life.

Jump cut. Sorry. Recently this book got me thinking how much we do to celebrate our own lives. Years from now the fact is that no one will remember us let alone remember our achievements. Oblivion is inevitable. Sadly. This keeps me wondering what the whole point is really, are we just born to pay bills all our lives and die?

I believe oblivion is the reason why people live like they do. People fear phasing out without making much of their lives. Some live such careful lives they end up doing nothing while for others it is YOLO every day. I used to be in the former group, doing everything carefully preserving myself for the future. What future?

I don’t mean I have no future literally, my point is I was letting my youth blow away into the wind. I was unwilling to take risks for the fear of failure. I was too serious. Even now my expression is still too serious. Everyone around me thinks I am a harsh person. Mainly those who don’t know me well I guess.

Sometime last year all this changed when I almost went into depression. I don’t like talking about my personal life, so I will leave it at that.  But it is after this experience that I realized if I don’t make myself happy then who will? I guess it’s true when you hit rock bottom your only way back is up.

Moving on, we shouldn’t let fear get in the way of the things we want to do. Give yourself a break and always remember you are doing the best you can. Spend every second like it’s your last one. I guess I have to end it here because I have nothing more to say.

As usual, I tried to connect my shoot to this amazing post. I even tried new poses as you can see to try and get out of my comfort zone. I think I have a career in the modelling industry.

P/S: I hate to spoil this movie for those who might be interested in checking it out but Augustus dies in the end. I don’t want anyone else to cry like I did…I mean mad crying.

Styling and outfit: @Ragecraze

Photography: @MikeDola

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Into the woods

Fashion is a deep sea of creativity and design, many dive in and few are victorious.Creativity is like an adventure into the unknown, to find your own identity while exploring infinite ideas in entities yet to be uncovered.

I am off to testing the limits when it comes to fashion because I do not want to sublimate my spirit to some kind of group identity, I believe in minutiae.We all need that one thing that identifies us from the crowd. I am a big activist when it comes to fighting conformity.

Life is full of many battles and we often forget to acknowledge and appreciate what we have accomplished. We often make wrong turns trying to reassure people that our costumes of identity are on straight.

We forget to live. Decide, first who you are, then titivate your path accordingly.

On this particular post I decided to put together a white on red combo, because the combination of these colours in a palette symbolizes creativity and idealism.

As I had said before, we need to live more and that having been said I dived right out of my comfort zone with my short skirt and long very long legs as you can see below.

Love life and life will love you back.

Stalk me on Instagram: Lollitahbunde

Facebook: Rage Craze

Photo credits: Michael Dollar

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Discovering your path

Hello lovelies, it has been a while hasn’t it? The good thing is I’m finally back.

I have been busy learning and perfecting my tailoring skills, I only just bought a sewing machine and albeit the journey being rough, I feel compelled to include that the joy is in the struggle.

During any journey we are green and growing, expanding our scope is inexorable. Ultimately when we achieve our goal, the feeling is exhilarating.

Designing clothes has always been my dream and now that  I am able to stitch them too, I decided to begin my journey with a personal favorite, ruffle tops.

I absolutely love ruffle tops. Who doesn’t? Making these ruffle tops was easy and the outcome was incredible.

Ruffle tops have been there for ages now, however, I couldn’t resist adding them to my craze list.

I decided to go with Ankara fabric mainly because it is diverse in colour and motifs. And let’s face it, Ankara is avant-garde.

Check out the end result in the photos below and let me know what you think, will you?

Fashion is about image. Give them a long lasting one. Make them not just glance but stare.

Check out my post on the retro look, another off shoulder design.

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Facebook: Rage Craze

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Obsessed with Mittens

My obsession with mittens started when I watched Game of Thrones in April. It was winter and people needed to dress warmly, just but giving a few details about the series. But as I watched on, I saw an opportunity to try something new, different and crazy.

So what are mittens exactly? Mittens are gloves that don’t cover the fingers and may go elbow high. They are also known as open gloves and they come in various fabrics.

The first time I tried mittens, I felt uneasy. I felt smart but very conscious of my appearance. I couldn’t bear the embarrassment if people were to find them a fashion miss but I totally nailed it. I made heads turn and piqued peoples’ interest.

“Where did you buy those? They look fabulous!” a friend of mine complimented me. I couldn’t hide my delight and right there I knew mittens were another craze to add to my list.

So why should you add mittens to your list too? Mittens give outfits a sophisticated look and a girly touch. The simple manner in which they enhance your look is amazing and the best part is you can literally “freeze and shine” in mittens because they keep your arms warm and make your outfit look great all at the same time.

Mittens can act like bangles too. If you don’t know how to accessorize bangles, depending on the colors of your outfit, pair it with matching mittens and I promise you will not be disappointed.

Mittens don’t have to be bought. You can make them however you want and in whatever colors you desire, but ensure they fit your arms snugly.

The beauty of experience is in trying.

You may also check out my post on Game of thrones, to read about the series.

Stalk me on Facebook: Rage Craze

Instagram: Rage Craze

Photography by: Unilight Media.

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