About a year before the film Fault in Our Stars was released, I read the same book by John Green. In one of the chapters the main character Hazel, who was battling thyroid cancer is forced by her parents to attend a weekly cancer support group to help her make friends. She hated it. Especially the fact that she had to listen to cancer survivors because they are on the same “journey”.

It was during one of these meetings that she met the love of her life Augustus whom she fondly referred to as Gus. Gus is a bone cancer survivor and has since been in remission. During the meeting, Augustus is asked his greatest fear and he says oblivion. He wants to be remembered for living an extraordinary life.

Jump cut. Sorry. Recently this book got me thinking how much we do to celebrate our own lives. Years from now the fact is that no one will remember us let alone remember our achievements. Oblivion is inevitable. Sadly. This keeps me wondering what the whole point is really, are we just born to pay bills all our lives and die?

I believe oblivion is the reason why people live like they do. People fear phasing out without making much of their lives. Some live such careful lives they end up doing nothing while for others it is YOLO every day. I used to be in the former group, doing everything carefully preserving myself for the future. What future?

I don’t mean I have no future literally, my point is I was letting my youth blow away into the wind. I was unwilling to take risks for the fear of failure. I was too serious. Even now my expression is still too serious. Everyone around me thinks I am a harsh person. Mainly those who don’t know me well I guess.

Sometime last year all this changed when I almost went into depression. I don’t like talking about my personal life, so I will leave it at that.  But it is after this experience that I realized if I don’t make myself happy then who will? I guess it’s true when you hit rock bottom your only way back is up.

Moving on, we shouldn’t let fear get in the way of the things we want to do. Give yourself a break and always remember you are doing the best you can. Spend every second like it’s your last one. I guess I have to end it here because I have nothing more to say.

As usual, I tried to connect my shoot to this amazing post. I even tried new poses as you can see to try and get out of my comfort zone. I think I have a career in the modelling industry.

P/S: I hate to spoil this movie for those who might be interested in checking it out but Augustus dies in the end. I don’t want anyone else to cry like I did…I mean mad crying.

Styling and outfit: @Ragecraze

Photography: @MikeDola